I drop to my knees, ejaculating on the planks of my fortune, and exhale. I am breathing again, alive, electrified roots singing, man, singing, man, sweet angel of merciless shock, singing, this is better than anything, singing take everything, everything I have, everything I am, just do not touch this moment of bliss.
I was in my early twenties, a blooming writer with an oral fixation. After sexing up the page with a literary ode to the nicotine fix coupled with the rigours of a coughing fit, it hit me that it was time for me to get smart, off my knees, and while still young, my fellow smokers, try to quit.
Later that evening, I was deep-throating a Gauloise in the park, contemplating the masterpiece I had yet to write, when my pal Mark told me he’d jump naked into the freezing fountain if I would dump my snotty French cigs forever, that very moment, that very night.
The stars above blinked this is it, and with one finger on my zeitgeist, my good friend unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped. A dark cloud rolled over my teeming brain as I imagined writing my life’s work without the burning butts I held so dear; I stared into the murky water, my future, and saw only fear. Mark rolled his eyes, dropped his pants and said, don’t think.
Don’t think??!! What the fuck does a writer do between words? What do you think we do all day? Type??! And unless you wish us neutered and dim, don’t you freaking ever tell a writer not to think.
It took me six weeks before I could spell again, six fidgety weeks before I could sit down at my desk and compose a legible word without my Benson & Hedges (extra-long for unwieldy sentences). Forty-two days of mind boggle, chewing ideas, food and my nails to the quick, with the only question mark I could muster: when the hell would this writers’ block shit ever end? Then, finally, exhausted beyond words, I bound my ass to the chair, grabbed some scrap paper beside my keyboard and lit up a felt-tipped pen.
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May 31st is World No Tobacco Day. Here’s your chance!
For more of my musings on writing, click A Writer is Born, Between the Lines and On Writing.
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45 Responses to How to Stop Smoking & Keep Writing
I tried. God, I tried. The last time I quit the rest of me hadn’t caught up yet. I got a lighter and lit up. Only there was no cigarette in my mouth and I’d lit my lip. A week’s worth of pain and as much frustration had me fumble for the cigs again.
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Manja, it’s FREAKING HARD to quit smoking. Keep trying and one day it will stick. Good luck!
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I don’t smoke !
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As much as I hated the Marlboros that my father would sneak off to smoke alone, returning home wheezing and coughing and compromised, a person with a cigarette is just… well, cool. It’s a sexy, beautiful, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad thing. And then some.
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(Lamenting) how could something so good be bad?
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Fried clams, the guys/people we dated in our 20’s, cream cheese icing, and salami… All so good, but so wrong. If we could only do them in moderation.
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All I can think of is how gorgeously you write; how this sounds like poetry. Like music.
I understand being orally fixated and how that plays into writing. When I write I always have to be grazing on something. Even when I’m not hungry.
Long ago, I smoked. I stopped and started many times before that. Marlboros were my drug of choice.
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So why do we orally fixate? Writing itself should be soothing enough. Your thoughts?
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I wish I knew.
My son is 10, and he’s the same way. He chews on stuff constantly. Non-food items. It’s…disconcerting.
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I think so many of us are searching for the ultimate fix: the primordial comfort of the boob.
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Perhaps.
I did breast feed him as a baby, and he latched onto me like a boss…
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Love it!
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Thanks, Anna, for the song, joy and attitude!
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So glad you could quit, Brenda. Good for you. I get kind of restless when I write too. I think it takes a bit of time to settle in, quiet the mind, and write. And because it’s hard!
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Like babies, we seek to pacify our hunger. For what? Does it ever end?! Thanks, Amy.
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Love your writing voice. So happy you were able to quit 😀
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Thank you! and welcome.
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I smoked for twenty years. and then quit because I wanted to dance-something just for me. I think smoking is what we do when we don’t want people to be near us –really. At least I think that is why I smoked. I was too afraid of letting people see who I really was. I put up a smoke screen.
But it was killing me and keeping me alone so I let it go. I’m so glad you did..
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Welcome, Tracy, thanks for sharing and bravo! Your smokescreen theory is fascinating and I can’t think of a much better reason to quit, then to dance.
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[…] How to stop smoking and find something else to do with your hands … […]
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Hi
Idea is really cool. This is the main problem for smoking quitters. They need any activity to do with their fingers just to engage them. In eastern countries rosary is taken the best way to keep counting the rosary beads to engage the fingers.
If will is there anyone can easily quit smoking either his fingers remain engaged in some work or not.
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful post.
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I love the idea of counting beads! Some things are universal. Thanks for sharing.
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[…] How to stop smoking and do something else with your hands | burns … […]
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I quit ten years ago. Best thing I ever did next to losing weight this year. Great writing here!
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Thank you, kindly. Glad you reclaimed your life.
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Ah, the old debate of what to do between words. I promised my grandfather that I would never smoke as he lost all his siblings to lung cancer. I stuck to my word. Instead of smoking, I think all the time. All the time. Not necessarily nice.
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So glad you don’t smoke! But mark my words, smoking doesn’t stop you from thinking, although now that I think about it, it just might cloud your thoughts.
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Um. Haven’t smoked in 17 years but you just made me waaant one. I remember how every inhalation felt like I was resuscitating the fires that would kill me, and I loved that mouth-to-mouth carelessness.
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I don’t know why it tickles me that my post made you want to smoke. Temptation.
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[…] 2) Quit cigarettes because it’s hard to write without them. […]
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Reblogged this on Gerald Brown and commented:
I’m trying to quit smoking but I can’t. It’s hard. I am a writer and being a writer is stressful. But your article is inspiring! 🙂 I’ll really try to quit!
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Gerald, there’s always a reason to smoke, so we may as well get the job done and just quit. Best of luck to you! Let us know how you’re doing.
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Hello! 🙂 I’m doing great now and I’m still smoking but not as much as before. I used to smoke 2 packs a day but now I’m just smoking half pack. I’m trying to quit gradually 🙂
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Great news! Keep it up. We’re rooting for you.
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i am smoking since last 8 years, in these years i have lots of people attached who also smokes. now everu where i meet people offers me cigs. i have tried 4 times to qiut. But, enviroment i have built ???. can’t leave those people at once.
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One more thing, when try to write something- i feel more needs of cigs. i don’t know why?
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Smoker like to hang with other smokers ’cause it makes us feel better about smoking. When we write, we are always looking for something keep our asses in the chair and smoking helps. Except that it hurts. And kills. Keep trying, Jesus!
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The one after a glass of red wine!
The one after the meal and dishes are done!!
The one after sex!!!!!!
O LORD WHERE IS MY LIGHTER
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What can I say? I hear ya. Don’t get me started.
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very easy to relate to. thank you.
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Fuuuuu. I need to quit. I’m pregnant with twins. But it’s my excuse to go outside and figure out wtf my bf is doing.
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You could always pretend-smoke. It’s not as good, but you can pretend it is.
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[…] more reading about my writing and its process, Between the Lines, How to stop smoking, keep writing and do something else with your hands and On […]
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[…] more of my musings on writing, click A Writer is Born, How to stop smoking, keep writing and do something else with your hands and Between the […]
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[…] How to Stop Smoking and Keep Writing […]
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