My late, great Uncle Bruce was otherwise known as a fart-knocker, rump-ranger, poofter, fairy and shit-packing fag. It hurts to write those words, but that’s how a lot of people saw and still see gay men, and over the course of his long life, some weren’t ashamed to spit it in his face. Outside of a primo LGBTQ+ crew and a few trusted relatives and straight friends, my high-strung uncle remained locked in the closet, for most of his 81 years.
When Bruce was young, he was blessed to fall in love with another Midwesterner, the cool breeze to his hot afternoon– my serene Uncle Craig. They lived together in Chicago and then Phoenix, Arizona, uncomfortable to be seen kissing in public and unable to marry, for close to fifty years. Bruce worked hard, climbed the ladder to VP, at the same bank his entire career, but as far as I know, not a single co-worker knew that Craig was the love of his life, or that he, such an accomplished, manly man, was queer.
Bruce was larger-than-life and could not be entirely contained, or maybe the fact that so much of him was- made him fill every room he entered with his intensity, anger, dirty jokes and unconditional love. His unwavering support of who I was and what made me different from the ‘norm’, helped me learn to accept and be, exactly who I am. He insisted that I follow my heart’s desire, in part, because he could not openly follow his. Whenever I visited, he loved that my favorite thing to do was hang out with him, Craig and their mostly closeted friends.
He was a rock-star uncle, the most popular on the block; funny, wildly generous and a patron of every underdog that crossed his path, which included: stray dogs, his struggling artist niece and anyone who needed help. Every time we spoke, he’d ask, do you need anything, hon? No matter what I said, he would, knowingly, generously, brilliantly, send me a cheque.
He’s been dead for over two years. The last ten were rough. He lost his beloved Craig to a slow, degenerative illness, and after decades of volunteer work for the American Cancer Society, the disease attacked and brought him down.
Sometimes, he feels so close, I can smell his swank, French cologne. It strikes me that he would be pissed and proud that I wrote this post. He may have had a good life, but I mourn that he was never really free. I feel the echo of his frustration and rage, his ferocity, commitment and love. I am haunted by him, still.
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GOOD NEWS FLASH: Same-sex marriage was made legal in Illinois on June 1, 2014, and in Arizona on October 17, 2014. Not to sound ungrateful, but it’s about time.
Onwards! There’s more work to be done.
This just in: Uncle Bruce is on Huffington Post!! Check out the Comment Section and feel your heart grow.
In tune, dear readers, a classic for your inspiration.
Written by and starring John Roberts. Editor Owen Plotkin. DP Drew Denicola. Directed by Clay Weiner.
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43 Responses to My Uncle was Gay and I Want to Tell the World
Lovely homage, Brenda.
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Thanks, Leila! It was something to write.
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Thank you for sharing your uncle’s life and legacy with us, Brenda. So wishing he could have free this side of Beyond…
hoping he finally is.
With blessings,
Dani
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Lovely thoughts, thank you and welcome, Dani.
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You are very welcome 🙂
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************************ Poignant, a brilliantly explored remarkable history that touched my soul and gave me goose bumps. Bravo for sharing. Arleen
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Touching the soul is where I want to be. Thanks, Arleen!
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What a beautiful tribute. It was a pleasure to know him and love him. We were aware of his struggle and saw him deal with it. Great that you had the desire and courage to tell his story. Love you
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That means a lot to me, Freda.
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You bring tears to my eyes Brenda…you talented lovely woman…I love your blog and you.
Kim
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Tears are good. Thanks, lovely Kim.
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Thanks Brenda. Love the photos, the words, the tone and the fabulous John Roberts video.
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The Roberts video kills me, over and over, every single time.
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Nice! >
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It is about time laws are changing. I’m sorry to hear your Uncle couldn’t have the opportunity to live freely with his partner. Hopefully, this will turn around and people’s attitudes will change. You know, someday people will grow up, I hope. Great clip!
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Interesting that you mention growing up. I know what you mean but don’t you think that we adults teach our kids to hate more than kids teaching us?
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As a society, I think we need to grow up. Globally speaking. Yes, I agree that kids can teach us a lot about acceptance. It’s adults that are the screwed up ones usually.
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I wish I had known him. I would have joyfully embraced him and reassured him that he was accepted. Being gay is not an option. Genetic counseling can explain it. Thanks for sharing his and your’s world.
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Your words are like a hug. 🙂
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She knows a good guy when she see’s one, and he knows how to treat a lady. He fears nothing, nor should he. The onlookers are probably wishing their fairy tale would come true too. 🙂
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Fortunately for our generation onward, relationships between same-sex people isn’t unusual or discriminated against…for the most part; we still have a lot of work to do. Thanks for sharing this story about your uncle Bruce and his beloved. It sounds like they had a beautiful, lasting love story – a story any heterosexual couple would love to have.
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Touché!
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That is a nice piece, Bren, honest, touching, well detailed, and not excessive…bravo 😉
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Thanks, J-C. Nice to see you here.
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Such a loving portrait of your Uncle Bruce. Profound, with a light touch. Thank you for sharing his story and your connection, Brenda.
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Love is the drug. Thanks, Ez.
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Beautiful.
If I could only wrap my arms around your words and hug them as tight as I possibly can. Seems the only real way to express how much I love this. And you for writing it.
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Hugs are good, so is love.
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This is so beyond wonderful, Brenda– what a wonderful tribute to your uncle and all gay and lesbian who haven’t been able to live in the open. I shared this with several people; it’s just amazing!
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Dawn, thank you. I’m amazed by the open, human heart.
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It continues to humble me as well. I sent this piece into Freshly Pressed… it really should be featured! Beautiful.
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Thank you, Dawn!! I would so love this to be Freshly Pressed, my cup runneth over with this story, I want to tell the world. 🙂
As I mention above, the piece is now on Huffpo. In the comment section, people springboard off my uncle’s story, into theirs, and it is rocking. Check it out.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brenda-keesal/my-uncle-was-gay-and-i-wa_b_6079026.html
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Brenda — Your storytelling ability is a unique gift. As I wiped out the salty tears I reread your amazing homage to your beloved uncle. While you have succeeded in bring out every insecurity I have as a pre-blogger, I hope you can find the wherewithal to mentor a blogger with whom I believe we share both experiences and ethos to do Tkkun Olam.
My heart and soul dance, sing and rejoice, to witness such love.
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Thank you kindly, Brian, and welcome.
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What a great tribute, Brenda! I don’t understand why life was so difficult for gay couples. As you say, it is about time they changed the law. Why can’t we just love others just as they are? I will never get it.
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We can love each other, just as we are.
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Hello Brenda, Loved your sharing of your love for your Uncle Bruce!! I never thought I would live to see cultural attitudes change so dramatically for the LGBT population as in the last ten years. It has been a wonderful change, Love, Myrna
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A touching piece of art written from pure heartful love. Thank you for sharing and letting this story of an amazing love be told, love is there free or not x3x
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I like revisiting this. I am from Alabama. Here is hoping the court will uphold the law. My nephew happily married last year–in another state.
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We’ve come a long way, baby. Mazel tov to your nephew and here’s hoping!
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A beautiful story, beautifully written. He sounds like a fantastic man. RIP.
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He was ace. Thanks and welcome, ZM!
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That’s a fine tribute to him–and to all the people whose names we’ll never know.
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