I threw a football at a guy I had just met, at a freestyle picnic in a sun-swept field. I was savage, that ball freaking soared, and he ran after it backwards, laughing, shouting, arms burst open – joyous, fearless, free – JUMP! He caught the ball, my imagination, my heart, soul, body, me.
My first love was lesbian. She had the sweetest, softest skin and shining eyes that beamed into mine, shimmering peace. She was a great listener, let me hug her, squeeze her, kissy kiss kiss, and brought me to my knees. I begged her to marry me even though I was a kid.
It was true love, it was deep.
Raisin got her Phd in Mathematics at Princeton when I turned 9. She danced for joy on every street, had her kidneys crushed by a car one day, and was put to sleep.
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My oldest friend in the world made me laugh the second I saw her on my first day in a new school, Grade 6. Her huge, glassed-in eyes, aquiline nose and deadpan wit tickled my funny bone and soothed my fear. She has been my sister, my muse, my most enduring love story ever since.
When her husband accidentally dropped dead at her feet over two years ago, she slowly peeled herself up off the floor, and seized the moment, as only the most badass truth-seeker would dare. In the face of such a shocking loss, my homegirl stitched her broken heart back together and learned to ever-more deeply care for herself.
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I love. A lot of people. My heart is big, the list is long and when I really let it rip – it includes every single one of you. But, here’s the burning question that is forcing my fingers as I sit here at my desk and type: Do I love myself?
Do I love myself?
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GOOD NEWS FLASH: Here it comes, when we need it most. My people, it’s all about the hug. Open your arms and please share.
Check out my latest on Huffpo: Goodbye, Vertigo!
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49 Responses to I Love You
I needed this dose of love and humanity this morning, thank you. And I’m so sorry about Raisin. We never really get over those losses, do we?
BB
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Writing this post, it struck me that I love Raisin more than ever. If I got over her, that would be the greater loss. Thank you for your kind words, and welcome Buttons!
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One cannot love others so profoundly without having first loved the self. Finishing stitching that heart, or I’ll thumb north and do it for you. ; )
Of course, I assume the rhetorical.
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Catherine, I’m going to put your insight in my pipe right now. Thank you.
Rhetorical? Yes, and no. I’ll work on that stitch and show it to you when you get here.
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Love is amazing. It creates bonds, it comforts and heals.
That video was amazing. I wish I had the opportunity to hug him!
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I am always amazed.
Next best thing to hugging that young man – is to share his video!
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Right on!
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made me cry. thank you.
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Thank you for opening your heart. Welcome!
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it was already open before. ❤ i'd like to blog the video the next few days on my blog. i hope it is fine with you. i guess some informations need to be spread. what do you think?
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I never take an open heart for granted, not even my own. I encourage everyone to share the video and am delighted that you will. It is one of the most powerful actions for peace between people that I have seen.
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thank you. and i agree with you about the heart, all the best, take care.
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Love the writing. Love the theme of this post. Love you. F
Sent from my iPad
>
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I love you, too, Aunty Freda!
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All that hugging made me smile,Brenda. What a lovely post.
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We all need a little lovely every day, don’t we? Thanks, Amy!
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‘Tear down the fortress, build the bridge’ … You have done so; I pray that others will join in. Beautiful and powerful video. I am vicariously sending that young man a hug. I’m sending one to you too. ❤️
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Thanks for the hug, right back at you!
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I loved this. I could read you writing something about each and every person you have ever loved all day. It ended too soon, my friend of few words. I want more, more, more.
And that video made me cry. For complicated reasons I can’t describe. But I hope I would have hugged him, and that my children would have hugged him, too.
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My writing, like my attention span, has shortened. Something about getting to the essence as fast as I can. I’m waiting for the day I will get back to long-form, or at least, mix it all up.
Knowing you from your blog so chockablock with love, I can’t imagine you and your kids wouldn’t go in for the hug.
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❤ ❤ ❤
Saw the first line in my inbox last night before falling asleep and dreamt of you somewhere in the night, and Tanya was there too…
So much love. Easier to love one's own heart, one's own essence, one's own source of love, than the shifting planes of cardboard, plaster, sheetrock, or fabric that we call our personality.
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I am going to chew on your gorgeous words for lunch, Kat. Much thanks and love love love!
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Such a great blog!
I love all of the photographs in here!
And you’re a great writer between 🙂 continue !
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Welcome, Rika! Good to have you here.
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Thank you!
I’m enjoying your blog 🙂
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Sometimes, I think we’re sisters. Your words always light a flame for me. And the video… very moving. At a time when Jews and Muslims seem to be facing some very ugly realities… this was very poignant.
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Sister is one of the most beautiful words I know. So is brother. Thank you, dear Dawn.
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I relate to loving others intensely, even strangers, but being uncertain about loving myself. Ive discovered that I do love myself. The reason it doesnt always feel like it is love is imperfect because we are imperfect. I still have a child in me looking for the perfect love he never had. So I think Im disatisfied with my self-love, because it’s not the love Ive been waiting for. And sadly, that love may not exist because nothing is perfect.
I just ranted on your blog; forgive me. 🙂
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I hear you, PenMan. The trick is to accept our and others imperfections and love the whole mess, love it all! Not easy but well worth the price of admission. Thanks so much for sharing!
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Oh, how you thrust love and beauty out into the world, like offering a bouquet.
❤
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Oh how I love what you just wrote, Karen. Thank you.
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I love your little mini story way of writing. It fits my ADD brain perfectly. 🙂
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Izzy, I am buoyed by your comment as I sit in my wordy laboratory and distill. Welcome!
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A post full of life and positive energy. Love is good. Hugs are good!
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I’m so pleased by your comment, Otto. You’ve been around the world and you know.
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I Really enjoyed reading this. great stuff. yur writing style has me captivated.
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Thanks, Luke and welcome! Hope you stick around.
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that video made me cry. you write very well.
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I’m glad you felt the video. Welcome, wanderer!
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😊
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Being nice is an art
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Hey Hi , i read it just like that but then i realized that its been 15 minutes that i am reading this. you are a great writer .. i love your ways of describing things… keep writing … pleaaseeee… 🙂
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I promise to keep writing, thank you. Welcome and keep reading!
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i wioll be pleased dear … nd yes as m new here so do tell me some tips for good writing .. ?:-) … lol
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Here are two posts I wrote about writing with a few embedded tips. Hope they are helpful!
https://burnsthefire.com/2014/08/07/between-the-lines-and-some-writing-tips/
https://burnsthefire.com/2015/02/06/a-writer-is-born/
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Reblogged this on letmereblog.
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Thanks for the reblog and welcome to BTF!
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Such an intriguing post. Really made me think about the ones I love too. Thank you for causing that!
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Love grows love and so the story goes. Welcome, Jenna!
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